Click above to listen to Pilar reading Prelude and Part One (begins at 4:13)

Part One

I plug myself into the humming muffled sound of this
empty computer.  TO WRITE, TO CREATE.
To start a long contemplation, a meditation in the
meaning of my own life . To unravel my Self. To
attune to my soul. To bring forth the new, out of
what now feels like utter chaos and collapse. To
sort confusion into order.  I WILL START BY
CLAIMING MY NAME
my first name: María del Pilar
My last names, maiden and married I no longer carry.
They served their purpose, they are the PAST.
 They were my karma.
I need a new identity, built from within
That will help me REMEMBER

Re-member

Once on this Earth There were civilizations
of great balance, not only in our recent past:
 I have walked through Luxor and Carnac!
But even before, before China, before India,before, before…
 In by-gone continents,
in times history has erased but SOUL knows.
 I am rooting for my true Identity, my mission
Which will link me also forward toward the
FUTURE,
 to help build the new Conceptual structures our
earth needs. The very root word  for religion is re-ligare,
re-tie, re-connect.  I do not want to
meditate on a New Age Angelic name or an old
Sanskrit Indian one,
neither American Indian, Sufi, Egyptian,
Peruvian or Mayan. Or even on my Cosmic Name!
All names have purpose.
  I now want to claim the fullness of my first
Earth name as given to me at birth,
 for I wish to anchor my soul Here – NOW,
to congruently re-code My-Self, this lifetime.
I am going to read between the syllabi,
tones and Spaces of my name,
 inside the very shape of its letters the code of my
being,
the script of my life, The MISSION I AM.
Human names are the Signature of soul
and SOUND is the backdrop of creation.
I am going to sing the Mantra of my Self
 to activate the axiotonal lines that hold
in balance the energy of my body,
 to gather from many Dimensions all the pieces of
my Soul
for a full incarnation
Of Spirit.
Inside of our sack of skin and bones
each letter twitches particular muscles
and muscles are the stitches that sew soul to body.
Little babies inside the womb already respond in
their flesh, with their nerve and muscles, to the
electrifying mystery of human speech. They display
unique body responses to the phonetic patterns of
spoken language.
We are word made flesh. Letters are ALPHABET of
Spirit.
I’ll sing my name into the wind and I will HUM it
within. I will do this with Conviction, Intent and
feeling, in a ritual of Self Discovery, in meditative
prayer, to attune the core of each one of my cells
to each one of the syllabi of my name:
To fully sing the symphony of my being in all the scales!
To attune my Soul to the FIRE letters
emanating from the Godhead.
I’ll also dance my name to express in full body gestures
the textures of all its inner cadences,
nourishing the starving right side of my brain.
 I will whisper MY NAME in the ears of the ALL, I
WILL muse. I AM tired of NARROW INTELLECTUAL
linear ways . I want to restore love and soul to each breath.
In doing this, I will be calling YOUR NAME also,
For we humans really are not apart. In the Inner
soul realms we are all ONE and the time of
awakening is at hand. Yesterday, when I was
floating  –bobbing like a cork in the nearby
lake– I knew this ONENESS.
  My mouth eyes and nose were out of the soft
algae-rich water, the rest of me was submerged:
I was singing onto the blue sky
 all the outer and inner sounds of my name.
 Picasso my friend’s dog who also loves to swim in
the lake, when I reached that Samadhi state
 thought I was drowning and vigorously
came to my rescue, trying to reactivate my body
with his claws. He almost drowned me.
Perhaps I needed a near death experience at the
beginning of these reflections!
Today I have an ugly bloody scratch between my
nose and my mouth –repair work perhaps,
connecting, re-connecting…
Thank-you PICASSO!
Now, at my computer, plugged into its insistent
humming, I am looking into the full meaning of
my name, first semantically, CONCEPTUALLY: In
the realms of mind, with the analytical sagacity of
my left hemisphere. Our understanding, our
KNOWING
defines life. Conceptual frameworks FRAME how we
perceive reality, how we create life? Mind is the
builder. Consciousness is the torch
that illumines our path. We need to wake up to
our own names; human names are not ACCIDENTS
IN SOME purposeless cosmos, rooted in LANGUAGE
they are Divine Essence. Letters are alphabet of
SPIRIT,
their spoken sound inside the human tongue
deciphers LIFE.  Yesterday my name impregnated
the waters of the lake, attuning my cells: helping
heal the entire planet. We are WORD: It’s SOUND
and it’s MUSIC
It’s Magic, it’s Meaning, Semantics, Sonics.

The true power of a given WORD can only be fully
actualized in the breath that embodies it, in the
mystery of a Living Human. The music of LIVE is
executed by breathing musicians in time. We
humans are Sound Current in that we are also
S I L E N C E –INTERVALS     between WORDS
THE SILENT INVISIBLE REALITIES.—
We are Myth and symbol, thought and action.
Our true identity is INTERDIMENSIONAL.
Nothing in the physical world exists apart from us.
We  humans ALTER the material Maya,
the LILA Of this world,
 for we are CONSCIOUSNESS, the “I” of Earth
THE EYE OF GOD.
Maybe the Letters of our name
-With their shape, sound and syllabic combinations-
hold in shape, the energy pattern
 incarnate . Mystical, Mythical Mystery of our Bodies,
Computer of computers!, Is our tongue:
Do mind what You Say! How you mean IT…
how you INTEND it, how you empower IT with your
breath –flame of the Soul!

Two people awoke me to these Ancient understandings.
Two people of the same last name: Andrews
Isn’t that interesting? I wonder if they know each other?
 Joel Andrews and Ted Andrews.
Joel Andrews with his golden harp,
with teachings of the mystical alphabet,
who speaks the Enochian Language,
language of the Angelic Hierarchies!
Joel has written a beautiful book: A Harp Full of Stars.
And Ted Andrews with his book:
 The Sacred Power in Your Name.
 I thank them as well as Frank Don for his great
numerology book: What Color are You?
Speech is only one of many languages we humans have.
Rhythm, movement, gestures, inflections,
Color, touch, mudras, mantras, asanas, Martial forms,
are all syllabi inherent in the larger dance of life.
I know there is a Sacred Message Inside my name
INSIDE EACH OF OUR NAMES.
The very purpose of our identity on Earth.
 We humans are specks of the Holy Name.
I will explore my name at length and let this
exploration be the guideline for a serious
contemplation upon the meaning of my
individual life. My first name is María Ofelia del Pilar

(On my father’s request my mother’s name Ofelia
was sandwiched between the two components parts
Of my María del Pilar name.
So interestingly, I ended up with an extra name:
Ofelia, or Ophelia  “The Helpful One”
It has served me well.)

I was born in Colombia South America, In 1942
 In that culture MARIA is very much indeed the
name of the Celestial Mother:  Maria mother to Christ.
 Great devotion and true love go from my country,
my continent my people, to La Virgen María,
Mother of God. Many of the devotional ways of my
country are archaic and limiting. “Medieval
energies,” ghosts of the historic past abound in the
little towns of my mountains and even in the
congested unplanned cities now bleeding poverty
and violence. Colombia is a 99.999% Catholic
Country. I feel that even though these old forms
need to be upgraded and cleaned of the ignorance
they have bred they also hold much Spiritual
Wealth. Colombia is a country of great suffering
now in this moment of Earth, yet consecrated to
the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary. Witness the
situation in Tibet, could it be that the real War,
The War in Heaven, leaves its marks upon special
lands? I do not know, life holds many mysteries in
the ethnic memories of the human soul.
All I know is there is real love for Mary in my land
sealed inside human flesh, “Bleeding flesh,”
sad reality of my country today.
Colombia is a very religious country
where devotional feelings abound, where people
are able to “live from the heart,” a passionate land. 
A country poor and underdeveloped, now flagellated
by violence and drugs but with an underlying
vein of the Spiritual Strength that has inspired my entire life. 

 My formative years, my childhood and youth
were spent in Colombia. I am proud to carry
within my personality, the imprint of the spirit of
that land and of the whole South American
continent, where many beautiful seeds for a
future of peace are now gestating.
Thinking globally, leaving my maternal land behind
let us consider the semantic meaning of the name
María. In the Spanish language María relates to
the Essence of the sea, from the Latin word Mare,
meaning bitterness: the salty bitter flavor of sea
water, mother to all Earth life. That crystalline
mineral base, diluted bitter essence!  Savor now
with your own tongue the flavor of a tear, the very
salinity of our cells, deep most essence of our
humanness, that salty bitter true essence of life,
malleable, moldable: our Feminine foundation!
 Gentle, vulnerable Yin, like water,
 or  “Like a reed in he wind, ” pliable, subtle .
The capacity to bend to arch to yield, to meld.
And to nurture Life.

Thus my first name María is a profound name, 
a holy name that holds energies of birth and of
motherhood, and of the
 Supreme Divine Feminine. A name I truly wish to embody.
It is given in devotion to women as component
part of their name. It truly ties me in sisterhood to
all women on Earth
and to our Mother In Heaven. To the maternal
aspect of God, which of course applies to men
equally. We all come from Mother/Father. Our
historical period has neglected the maternal. Here
is where all our unbalances originate
 Our soul yearns to re-claim The supreme Feminine.
 So we may balance The FEMININE and the MASCULINE
inside ourselves, to be able to sincerely love.

FATHER-MOTHER God, Creator-Sustainer
“Who art in Heaven and Earth”
In whose Love we abide:
KODOISH KODOISH KODOISH
ADONAI TZABAYOTH

Written in 1992, first posted in 2006